Hello to all! I know it has been a while since my last posts, but you should definitely take that as a good sign.
Life is very good. I can hardly believe I’ve been here for almost five months—time is flying by. (Which, when I think about it, makes absolutely no sense, because every day is immensely long.) I’ve come a long way since June 6th (both literally and figuratively), and it’s hard to even remember what I was so scared of. My life just feels normal, routine. It’s kind of amazing. As my family says, “Kowe serepein en Pohnpei” (You’re a Pohnpeian girl).
School Update:
School is still frustrating. Not much has changed, except my attitude. I had an amazing 11th grade English teacher named Ana Jordan who used to say, “Affect the quality of your day.” The intention may have been secretly to help us remember the difference between affect and effect, but the bigger meaning is something I carry with me always. You, and only you, have to power to shape and mold the quality of your day. If you chose to have a bad attitude, chances are you will have a bad day, and the opposite is also true. I believe that simply putting on a smile and adjusting your attitude can have a big impact on the way you look at life. So far it has been working. My secret is laughter. When something trying or ridiculous happens, instead of sulking or being overwhelmed, I just laugh at the absurdity, and push through it. So far it’s really helped. I’ll keep you posted on my personal growth and progress.
However, there has been one notable school achievement that I am quite proud of. My seventh graders (a whopping class of 35) were in pretty bad shape when I arrived. On every assignment, we experienced roughly a 15-20% pass rate (70% or above is considered passing, but most students received grades below 20%). But on my final last week, 65% of the students PASSED and 42% got A’s. This is very exciting and I am so proud of my students. The success is due to the dedication and flexibility of my co-teacher, Hickperson (yes, that’s his name). He is a delight to work with and he is really passionate about helping the students succeed. We’ve already accomplished a great feat in only about two months; I can only imagine where our students will be at the end of the school year. Our only real issue is not having appropriately leveled texts for the students to read, but I’m trying my best to work on it. I’ve been locating stories either online or out of dusty books I find in the recesses of the school office, then I write them by hand and feed them through the Duplo machine. Recently, I’ve been stretching my spatial reasoning skills by printing them in a way that the pages can be assembled into booklets of sorts, which the students love. However, presently, our Duplo is broken and God only knows when it will get fixed (if ever), so my brilliance has come to a screeching halt. We’ll see what the future holds.
Family Update:
As always, my family is simply incredible. The dynamic within my family has shifted in the past few weeks, and I sort of love it. Before, only the adults, the children, and the women would speak to me and the rest (the majority of my family is comprised of males ages 16-26) would politely ignore me. Well, now the boys talk to me! This is such an exciting turn of events; I can’t even express it to you. It gets lonely in a full house of silent family members. But now, I am included in conversations, invited to ride in the car or walk somewhere with my brothers/cousins, and best of all, most of them tease me the way a brother would, and I tease them right back. We feel like a family. It’s wonderful. Plus, I’m learning a lot of insults in Pohnpeian, which is good (such as how to call someone ugly, fat, stupid, etc. You know, the normal family pleasantries).
Speaking of which, my Pohnpeian is getting much better! (I’m sure this is in part because the number of people who speak to me at home has grown exponentially.) I’m in no way fluent, but I can somewhat fumble through daily interactions and conversations. I’ve even been able to use my Pohnpeian skills to translate difficult reading passages to my classes, to their utter astonishment, no less. Even though Pohnpeian is drastically simpler than English, grammatically speaking (there is no past-tense, for example, people just “know”—however those “people” who “know” are not me) it’s more difficult to learn that I imagined, mostly because I’m learning it immersion style, 100% auditory. I’m accustomed to studying language from a textbook, with vocab lists and grammar rules. But this is real life, sink or swim. I just have to figure it out. Right now my listening comprehension is much better than my vocabulary implies, which is frustrating to me, because I often know exactly what someone is saying to me, but I have no way to respond. But all is well, ehu rahn I pahn esela karos o pahn mai lokaian Pohnpei (One day I will learn it all and I will be good at speaking Pohnpeian). One day.
Personal Update:
I have been thinking a lot lately about how I’ve grown personally since getting on that plane on June 6th, and I think it all boils down to one thing: tolerance. And I’m not talking about tolerating people, peace and harmony and all that nonsense, I’m talking about tolerating things: unpleasantries, frustrations and the like. As my old roommate Jaimee would say, “if you knew me you’d know” that I am kind of uptight. Don’t try to sugar coat it, let’s just be real. I am easily annoyed and easily exasperated. I over plan and over prepare, and I stress out and worry over every little possible outcome of future events. Charming, right? Well, hold the phone, because things are changing. I am adjusting to the island lifestyle. What’s that? You might ask. It’s never rushing, never worrying, and never letting anything get you down. It is Bob Marley, “Don’t worry, be happy” 24/7. Let me give you some examples of my personal growth in this area:
1. Pig Guts. At a kamadipw (party) last weekend something I had been warned about in training and had dreaded, fretted over, even had nightmares about, happened. As part of traditional ceremony, several pigs were killed and partially cooked over a local oven called an ohmw (hot rocks covered by banana leaves). Then, to honor the high chiefs present, the partially cooked pigs are carted into a big heap, cut up, and divvied up among the honored guests for them to take home and prepare in whatever way they see fit. I have seen this done numerous times, and the blood and death is really no big deal anymore (again, I’m growing). But what I was warned about, what I worried about, was that I might be given a slab ‘o pig to take home. Well, last week, in the middle of the presentation, I suddenly hear the caller yell out, “Lei en Wai!” and my family immediately started laughing. It took me about 10 seconds to realize what was happening. “Lei en Wai” means “American Lady”, and suddenly all eyes were on me, and a Pohnpeian man was standing with a hunk of bloody pig in his hands, expectantly. I froze, and my cousin Marla, barely able to contain her laughter, told me I better go get it. So, I walked through the crowd and grabbed my squishy, slimy pig meat, nodded my thanks, and carted it back to my seat. Yes, it was disgusting, but I survived. And we had delicious soup for dinner.
2. Turtles. Animal killing is sort of a theme, it comes with the territory. My apologies. One of a Pohnpeian’s favorites food is turtle. Now, this seems ludicrous to Americans, as killing a sea turtle is illegal. (And come to think of it, it’s probably illegal here too, but in reality nothing is illegal here). But trust me when I say it is delicious! What is not delicious is watching them kill the turtle. But I’m about three turtles in, and now I can watch and not worry that I will upchuck. This feels like progress.
3. Bugs. Let me amend my aforementioned rule of “don’t look up”. Just don’t look anywhere. Because bugs and lizards are literally EVERYWHERE. My secret weapon is lying to myself. As I lay in bed and I think I feel something crawl on my leg, I just tell myself it was the wind (yeah right) and go back to sleep. If I see something scurry across my floor, I just assure myself I was mistaken and move on. It really helps me to be less paranoid when I just pretend they don’t exist. Blissful ignorance. You should try it.
4. Food. Originally, I was struggling, not with the taste, but the presentation of the fish that I eat almost daily. Americans are spoiled; always having fish arrive on a plate as a fillet—boneless and no longer resembling a fish. Weaklings. My fish looks like a fish; fins, eyes, teeth, and all. Initially this horrified me, and I would politely pick at it and feign fullness. Now, I just dig in. It is tricky and requires some training, to be able to pick the meat off the fish without accidentally ingesting bones (one fish bone in the throat is enough to make me gag and never want to eat ever again), but I’m managed to get it down to a science. My Nohno and Pahpa are so proud. And, as a true Pohnpeian, I only use my hands (forks are for Mehn Wai). It may sound repulsive to you, but it’s my normal, and I kind of like it. The first time I order seafood in a restaurant in America, I may laugh when it comes to the table.
5. Timeliness. I am a very punctual person. Sometimes (always) to a fault. But that sort of outlook is quickly squashed here. Time is all very relative, and I’ve finally accepted the kulok en Pohnpei (Pohnpeian time). I’ve even stopped wearing my watch, because really it doesn’t matter. If someone says we’ll leave at 4:00, I usually get in the shower around 5:00. If someone is picking me up at 12:00, I make lunch plans instead of waiting. If I’m told to be somewhere at 8:00, I arrive around 9:30. I actually got left behind this week when all the teachers had a function in town because I was late; and everyone thought it was wonderful (see, nobody was even mad—island lifestyle, my friends!). I’m going to be the worst employee ever when I get back to America.
6. Climate. Maybe I’ve gone insane, but it just doesn’t feel that hot anymore. I mean, sure, I sweat sometimes (okay constantly), but I usually don’t notice it, and it doesn’t make me feel disgusting anymore. I take naps in the afternoons in my room, where the temperature is usually roughly 88-93 degrees, but it doesn’t bother me. I do still sleep with my fan at night (mostly to keep the bugs off), but I also sleep with a sheet and (brace yourselves) a comforter, because I usually get too cold (nighttime temperature ranges from about 82-85 degrees—right now, however it’s 88 degrees at 8:30pm— and sometimes when it rains, it drops into the 70’s! Brrr.) My family laughs at me when I refuse the use of a fan in the middle of the day, but I just enjoy the warmth on my skin. God created us to sweat for a reason, and it does make me feel cooler. The office at school has air conditioning (when there’s power), but I can’t sit in there for more than like 30 minutes without freezing to death. I fear that when I get home, I will no longer be able to make fun of my dad for always being cold. It is actually physically painful to imagine being in Chattanooga when it’s snowing. I might die.
7. Boredom. Many Volunteers complain of boredom, which is totally justifiable, since there is literally nothing to do, but I have yet to experience such things. I have come to relish the opportunities to just sit and do completely nothing. And I don’t mean sitting around and talking to people, or taking a nap, or reading a book (which I do quite frequently); I’m talking about sitting and doing absolutely nothing. Just staring off into space. Nothing. It’s sort of a relief after the fast-paced go, go, go lifestyle in America. Everything just slows down here. It’s wonderful. You can just watch the occasional car drive by, or the chickens walking around, or listen to the sounds of the jungle. My favorite is lying on my bed when it’s raining and just listening to the rain as it falls on the tin roof. It’s probably the most relaxing thing ever. My lifestyle, as an American would see it, is lazy. But like I said, I’m serepein en Pohnpei.
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I have finally come to a point where I feel at home, and therefore, I rarely venture outside of my village. I’ve become a bit of a recluse, never really socializing with other Mehn Wai (Americans) or spending time utilizing the commodities of town. I make due with what I have with me at my site, and only go into town monthly (or sometimes bimonthly) to collect mail and necessities (which amounts to a single roll of Scott toilet paper and minutes for my cell phone).
I find town overwhelming. If you could see how non-assuming town is, this comment would confuse you, but it just speaks to the simplicity of life in my village. In town, there are lots of cars, and people, and loud noises. I always have meetings to attend, places to go, errands to run, a timeline to meet. And when I pass people on the street and say hello, they ignore me. It’s very unpleasant, and I usually try to get in and out as quickly as possible.
Coconut wireless (the fact that everybody knows everything all the time, despite limited communication) frequently makes its way to my family and they ask me why I don’t join the other Peace Corps for their various excursions. The answer is two-fold: 1. As I’ve said, town makes me feel nauseous, and 2. I tell them that I don’t like Mehn Wai.
This second reason always makes them laugh, but it’s true nonetheless. And I don’t mean it in a hostile way, they’re all very nice people, but I spend so much time immersed in this other culture, surrounded by Pohnpeians, and I don’t know how to deal with Americans anymore. When I’m in my village, I don’t feel like a Mehn Wai, I feel like part of the family, like a serepein en Pohnpei, like I belong there. In town, and with other Men Wai, I feel…icky. I don’t know how to explain it, but I don’t like it. To many of the other Peace Corps chagrin, I routinely turn down their invitations for activities, but I don’t mind disappointing them. I joined the Peace Corps to assimilate into a different culture, to push myself to stretch beyond my comfort level, to try new things, experience a whole new lifestyle, and become integrated into a people much different than myself.
Ngeih serepein en Pohnpei. (I am a Pohnpeian girl.)
Stay well. With love,
--Christy
